A CHANGED LIFE
MY STORY
From Food Bondage to Food Freedom
My struggles with food addiction began when I was a young girl. After my parents’ divorce, I felt uncertain about the future. Controlling my food gave me a sense of safety, but unbeknownst to me, this would be the beginning of a lifelong battle with food obsession, weight gain (and weight loss), and low self-esteem.
I still remember the first time I lost a significant amount of weight. It was between my freshman and sophomore years of high school. I don’t remember what my weight was before and after, but I do know that I lost around 30 pounds through portion control and exercise.
When I returned to school in the fall, I loved the attention I got from my friends and classmates. I didn’t feel invisible. I felt empowered. I loved telling them how I lost weight. I was excited! Now that I had lost the weight, I thought I could go back to eating what I wanted and not exercising.
We all know how this story goes. I gained back the weight. Not all of it, but most of it.
When I went to college, I was on my own for the first time and I quickly realized that I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Our campus had dozens of dining options and my freshman tuition came with an “unlimited meals pass,” and I took full advantage of it. In college, there was never a time when eating wasn’t acceptable. You could eat at every meal, have snacks in class, and indulge in specialty drinks as a “pick-me-up” any time in between!
My junior year of college, I got into dance exercise and found that it was not just fun, but a great way to lose weight! With my newfound passion for exercise, I started to become more conscious of what I ate, too. I got down to 170 pounds and, although I was still technically overweight, I felt healthy.
For the next 10 years, I was able to maintain a weight of 180–190 pounds. I wasn’t skinny, but I was able to do pretty much whatever I wanted without many limitations. However, my brain was filled with obsessive thoughts about food. I was completely addicted. Spending time with friends should have been about the conversation and friendship, but my first thoughts would be about what food was on the menu.
Call it what you want, but my addiction to food was an idol in my life, and I put it above God and my relationships with others. It was shameful, but I had no idea how to break free from the bondage! I had prayed about it and asked God to “remove this thorn from my flesh,” but it was always there the next day. I fully convinced myself that I would never have victory over this struggle.
In 2015, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and in that same year, I met the love of my life. Within 10 months, we were married. There was so much sudden change with the medical diagnosis, marriage, and the beginning of my career as a teacher that I battled extreme anxiety and depression.
I had struggled with depression almost my entire life, but I had always been able to “handle it” and had always refused to take medicine for it. I felt like I wasn’t trusting God if I took medicine for my depression. Even as I write this, I realize how ridiculous that sounds. But this time was different. My depression and anxiety were debilitating and I had to do something drastic, so I talked to my doctor and she prescribed me a low dosage of an antidepressant.
She said it might cause weight gain, but at that point, I did not care. I just wanted to be mentally healthy again.
She was right about the weight gain. Over the course of the next 3 years, I gained 50 pounds!
I was the heaviest I had ever been and I was miserable. I didn’t even recognize myself in photos and I hated looking in the mirror. My self-esteem was so low. I knew I had to do something. I talked to my doctor and she changed me to a different drug that actually suppressed my appetite, but it wasn’t enough to affect my weight or help me lose the weight I had gained.
I got to a point where I was sick of sitting on the sidelines of my own life. I was avoiding photographs, saying no to things I once loved, and worst of all, allowing my habits to affect my family. I needed change. I needed to take action.
On July 16, 2019, I committed to the following: weighing out all my portions, eating only three meals a day with no snacks, and eliminating flour and sugar completely from my diet.
Many people feel that they can’t overcome their addiction to food because they just “don’t have the time” but I always say that you make time for what matters. Your life is important and you deserve to live it, not just sit on the sidelines as a spectator.
Since committing to this new way of life, my husband has been in the hospital 3 separate times due to sickle cell crises, my sister-in-law unexpectedly passed away on my birthday, and I’ve dealt with the sorrow of infertility issues and the demands of being a foster parent, as well as the everyday stressors of home life and work life.
The most recent stressor has been moving to a completely virtual classroom because of schools closing due to COVID-19, selling our home to move out-of-state, and finishing the adoption paperwork for our son, Isaiah.
As you can see, my life is, by no means, easy or stress-free!
My journey has not been perfect, but I love the freedom I have around food. The habits I’ve created for a healthier lifestyle have been life-changing and I am passionate about helping others achieve the same outcome for themselves.
My starting weight was 234 pounds and I am currently at 151 pounds. I hope to reach my goal weight of 135 pounds in the next couple of months and I can’t wait to experience life in my right-sized body for the first time in my life!
Less than a year ago, my brain was depressed and hopeless, caught in the endless cycle of food addiction, but now it is brilliant and alive again. I am living life again and pursuing my dreams. My focus has shifted from food obsession to things that matter, like serving God, loving my family, and helping others!
